You're The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened to Me~

Is my skies always this blue?

Longing

Geez..my head aches....I've been lacking of sleep for days now...including this morning...thanks for those flashbacks. I can't give too much thoughts right now, its just like da pain is piercing through my head, squishing my brain...how awful that felt. No choice, had to take some meds later. I guessed it just must be a minor migraine...but it can't never be compared to a broken heart....

How far would my words reach him? Would he catch my love when I 'toss' it to him?

These are the memories I had with him and what I knew has caused such misunderstandings between us :

1. I still can't get used to being treated so nice....its just a lil bit awkward to me...strange, isn't it?

2. Its my 1st time ever being involved into such a relationship so immensely that I just wish it

would lasts forever...

3. I wish to emphasize more on my task than my relationship as I know that I'm vulnerable to

set myself apart if I were to be too deeply & madly in love.

4. My tomboyish behaviour still hasn't changed much since then...so I hope that I could still

adapt myself to it gradually..but I won't lose my real self, definitely~ ( I still have my

character & principles in life, y' knw)

5. I know...I didn't trusted him well...and ended up letting myself to believe that he can

be such a flirty and thought he might be a playboy? Because of gossips, this is da cause which

has destroyed everything we once had been....but after thinking it through, if a couple were

to be in love & to be in an open relationship...they don't mind what people say, they just get

on with their lives like they should, and be happy as well. (Why does this poison seeps into

my mind? Now its completely no use to cry over everything...I have lost da love of my life~)

6. When it comes to commitment, being embraced & being intimate is a common sight among all

lovers. No matter how tough life can be, everyone needs a shoulder to cry on & someone

whom can give love, care & support nevertheless. But da problem here is....I still can't get a

hang of myself being touched a single inch.....I just feel scared & nervous till now. Every time

when I sit close to him, I just keep wondering...will he attempt to hug or hold my hand? The

fear that is within me, just can't seemed to let my mind rest...it keeps driving me insane!!!

7. It really wasn't easy to get to find someone whom u think will be yr soul mate & yr lifetime

partner by chance. Initially, I thought da same way too...but now when I think bout it....I

want him, not because I feel lonely or that I'm desperately to...its just simple.... I LOVE

HIM~ How could u really tell that I for some reason...has not even once stop thinking bout

him for a second? The answer is infinite & there's no need to answer it at all, cuz love is

blind~

8. Furthermore, I had this tendency of admiring boys...but it doesn't really mean I had a crush

on them. Well, sorry if it turns out this way...but still....what could u ever ask for if u already

found someone that your life depends on? Fine, I do have this disgusting habit of staring at

other people, that's how I study them...through each appearances, personalities

& behaviour.That's what amuses me whenever I go shopping or seen loitering around in

places. You would be amazed at how humans can really fascinate their own mankind.

9. Most importantly, he changed me for who I am now...he makes me even more brighter &

happier than I used to be. U wanna knw what has been my biggest sacrifice of all...? I HATE

DRESSES, SKIRTS, ACCESSORIES, BRIGHT COLORS & CUTE STUFFS~ ( I was a tomboy

in my previous days, remember?) Till then, I start to get more into make up, image,

manicure & absolutely everything that a girl would normally do to seek attention from their

bf & to make them proud. This is what differs us from our opposite sex, guys want to be more

masculine & gals just wanna be more feminine. There's no need for me to say bout that~

(^^ll)

10. Last but not least, he's still da guy that I loved, is hasn't changed a bit. Nothing's gonna

waver my feelings & senses...cuz he's everything I got~

Unfortunately..life can be so cruel. The world doesn't revolves around us...and we should look straight ahead. Still, there's only 1 way for me to remember our special moments. I had this necklace which I had bought for some time...that I wanted to give it to him but failed to do so. I wanna cherish everything that I had, including my family, my friends & my life...bring out da best & live to da fullest..but it will be entirely incomplete without 'YOU', Rob......I'm so sorry....please don't leave me, its not suppose to be this way~

The Gift

p/s: These photos were taken & owned by me~

Time & Memories Won't Let Me Go......

Boys....when they told u quits...its over....end of da story...would I just think of them as cold-hearted creatures? Egoistic ppl? Or maybe they just don't give a fuckin damn at all...? I...myself..had been crying all this while...before & while I'm sleeping.....because of 'him'....I'm da one who started it & yet I'm da one who ended it once and for all~

Every time I looked away when he's around...I would still look back at him. Even though I wouldn't care much, yet his presence affects me so deeply....its already enough for me, to sit and stare at him..for just once glance or a glimpse of him, makes me smile to myself quietly. If I won't mind, I would even be willing to sit somewhere just close enough to see him....at least I get to know that he's happy right now, his laugh is what I couldn't seemed to resist. He's such goofy...always in a center of attention..? I gotta admit that I could still hear him even if its our lecturer would crack such lame jokes to us, his laugh would still echoes in my ears. *chuckles*

I've already been a very bad & rule-breaking girl back in my time when I was in preschool & high school years....yet I never would have thought something as this would tend to soften the inner part of me...yeah....now would you believe that..? HAHA~ I love to do things what every boys enjoyed most: GAMES, CHATS, WRESTLING, PUT UP A FIGHT, COLLECTION OF SHONEN MANGAS & ANIMES, (It could probably be ECCHI or HENTAI titles, lolz!!!) COOL TOYS, ALWAYS ACTIVE IN SPORTS & BRANDED ITEMS...yup..most of it, I would say~

Man, you should've seen how I'm clad in those baggy clothes & jeans....sometimes with a cap though...just b'cuz I hate to tie up my hair in ponytails..its just way too girlish for me, UH UUH!! Not to forget, I would always have my fav bandanas everywhere I go, its like a total must if I were to have any outings, HELL YEAH~ (Each with different colors & patterns, cuz I use it to cover up my forehead & hung it on my jeans/pants..)

Well enough all bout me....the truth is...its completely hard for me to get over him.....he's da perfect punch bag for me..? Yup~~~~ I really wanna know who he really is, as I never get to understand him better yet..not thoroughly even so. I wonder if he ever did misses me like how I used to right now before his heart turns to stone...? I just don't know where to start, want to know what this means, want to know how he feels, want to know what is real....I really wanna know EVERYTHING..... Nowadays, I couldn't even get myself to start a conversation with him...my mouth didn't even mutter a single word....its like I lost my guts or somethin', DAMMIT!!! (Yeah...yeah...I know I'm being too over-reacting...cuz I already knew he had forgotten what had happened between us.....yet I couldn't even forget....how can u tell when I'm suppose to?!!!!!!! I WAS COMPLETELY OUTTA MY MIND, LOST MY SENSES & I'M NOT MYSELF FOR PETE'S SAKE~)

I'm not young now...and its not always I would have come to this decision...that I want to find someone whom I can spend da rest of my life with, y' knw...a rare sight~~~ (==") Of all da previous entries I've written, (If or ever u read it once..with patience) said bout me hatin' couples being lovey-dovey....through my own translation to common sense...it actually means that..I dislike people acting so YOK MAH, get it??? Hey, I'm a naughty person, and I dun like Mr Nice Guys. U wanna know how I show my affections to someone I really love? We punch each other, choke on da neck, cuz we KICK-ASS!!!! For some reason....I really like being teased by him....its just wasn't da same usual feeling I get throughout.....its like...he's my kind of guy...and I would gladly announce that, "He's mine, so scram bitches, like u knw me...u wanna piece of me? BRING IT ON, FUCK YA!!!"

He has been so good to me....he will do anything to keep me happy, that's what makes me fond of him. Hey Kid, u said that I like guys who are popular, good at this & that...well, lemme tell u 1 thing, u're WRONG!!!! I have been seeing him right when I 1st met him, y' knw~ I could still recall it was at Block H, when my fren had to ask him for notes & I'm da one who rush to him to get it instead. Hehe, even now..I would still laugh at it....his name. (Sorry, its not tat I'm making fun of ya, its jz wacky in a sense, GAGA~ Haiz....though I knw he wouldn't read this post at all....why am I expecting or hoping he would be? What was I thinking?!!! Again, how pathetic of me~~~~~ T.T) I really didn't thought I would reacted in a way once, that I'm being jealous of him sitting next to a girl I don't know. U knw what I did? I sms-ed him to tell him that I still care for him & that he mustn't forget our promise. Eh he he, and there u have it....for a gurl like me, has grown up & changed so much than I was before~ XD

If only I could turn da tables, I would buy him da birthday present I promised to give him....if only I can reverse back to da time, I would be willing to stay back on February 14th to make up for da Valentine's Day that we sorely missed, and celebrate it with him. I would rather have him be mine than anyone else I could possibly imagined I would be somehow. No, that's not it. I WANNA BE WITH HIM FOR WHO HE IS & NO MATTER WHAT MY FUTURE TURNS OUT TO BE, BE IT GOOD OR BAD!!!!!!!

Rob...just keep holding on.....I'll be waiting for you.....cuz I'm always with you~

p/s: So much for My Happy Ending.......

All I need is just 1 LOVE~

"If you are there, flowers continue to blossom without dying" An insured sleep talking with no adventure nor excitement I go before I get sleepy with it -- What I want is JUST 1 LOVE It's my nature to always get out of a line somehow If you want to sting me, feel free as you like with sharp words I can't follow a person ahead of me "If you go there, the place is always decorated with beautiful flowers, isn't it?" They look at me with their eyes with no mercy nor doubt I refrain myself from saying, "Is it a joke?" -- What saves me is JUST 1 LOVE To live is to keep on choosing always with our hands If you want to interrupt me, feel free to your heart's content with words or whatever I don't waver with such things I go before I get sleepy with it -- What I want is JUST 1 LOVE

Next Level

To the next stage, which begins to move,

we continue to walk together.

This only road never ends,

we continue to illuminate it.

How will we take

this fresh start that,

once again, presents itself here?

While looking at the sky, my face was lit by a gentle smile

I heard "Don't be afraid, everything is fine"

While looking at the sky, a small tear flowed

Even the scars left by the past seem sweet today.

The sign tells us that a vibrant future, makes our looks meet each other.

Our hearts are beating so strong,

What will they choose and represent?

What is the map that will take shape?

If you feel the wind, grip our hands strongly

Because we don't need many words to understand each other

If you feel the wind, begin to walk with conviction and with the same speed we will see the same landscape

What's your darkest desires...?

Hey, cute boys and girls

Idling your times away there

No pretending to be strong

Just for tonight

Feel it with your bodies

As the mood strikes you

You tend to give top priority

To the reason in your head, don't you?

You should just go with the beat

In such a case

If you only look, nothing happens

And it will never be yours

Until when are you going

To look on enviously there like that?

No no no... No no no... No no no... No no no... No no...

Don't be on the defensive

But try to make yourself look aggressive and attractive

Whose measure on earth is it

Whether it's possible or impossible?

Be bolder Until you seem forward

No more common story

To regret over what has happened

Go along with the beat you hear

And you'll be all right

You can't communicate your feelings with a half-hearted attitude

You don't know what it is, if you don't touch it

Until when are you going

To be scared there like that?

Words that tells my fate & reads my mind~

I don't need the Rules

Decided by someone else

Because we are the Rules

I can't give way in that matter

"Where on earth is hope in an age like this?"

"Can we believe in what we can't see or touch?"

I just nod silently and close my eyes calmly

Because I can feel clearly now that

we are certainly connected

"This world isn't yet so bad, though it's cloudy everywhere"

"However foggy, I have enough confidence in trying to trust someone"

I take a deep breath and shout proudly

Because I was taught by you on that day that everything happens necessarily, not casually

I don't want to be imposed on

By the same old stupid Rules

Let's start first, you and me

By breaking the Rules

Since the moment my strength turned into tenderness

And my tenderness turned into strength

I have nothing to fear any more

I'm feeling so

If you pretend to be nice Please do so in some other places What would you know About that ? Your knowing talk Gives me a headache Until when are you going to Continue acting ? You can't tell a lie Behind your eyes Your pitying glance Makes me nauseous Swear at me, instead So that I can't even cry Don't accept me Your hands are cold Enough time Has passed It's time you understand Isn't it ? Your fake smile Is the hardest to me Be cold to me, instead So that I can't even stand up Don't be tender to me Please leave me alone Leave me alone now But don't leave me alone

If I'm a guy, at least I'm better than da likes of YOU!!!!!!!!

=Em' a cold-hearted soldier=

Neither am I having a hard time right now or that someone's tryin' to mess with me here...its just that I'm sick & tired of this life. What can I say...? Its not that I've given up on my life already, I'm not slightly bothered by anything nor am I lettin' my guard down or somethin'. Well, let me break this one fur ya, shall we? U can never escape from the ugly truth & pretend that u never live to see it when its just right under yr god-damn nose!!! Sarcastic & pessimist as it sounds, still I'll never even allow myself to get thrash by some no good for nothing jackass & hopeless bunch of bastards!!!

Ain't gonna start a load of craps here, if u dun feel like readin' this, fine...have it yr own way then, I ain't using brutal force or ever gonna waste my breath to provoke ya, ain't got time for that either, wuss puss~ U know what....sometimes ppl can be such a pain in da ass, dun ya think so? Here goes, let me get this straight. I DAMN FUCKIN' HATE PPL WHO ARE JUST A BUNCH OF LOSERS WHO STICK THEIR NOSES IN D AIR, ACT LIKE SOME SORT OF SMART ASS & WALKS AROUND LIKE ONE!!!!!!!! Uh-huh, familiar to ya? Of cuz it is, they're probably all around u as u can see!!!! I've seen enough of reality already, get a life wouldn't ya, ASSHOLES!!!!!! ESPECIALLY ONEZ WITH DA MOLES ON THEIR FACES, NOW THAT'S PISSES ME OFF!!!!!! KILL U FREAKING MORONS, U'RE JZ GETTIN ME ON MY NERVES!!!!!!!!!! SAME GOES TO THOSE AMATEURS, POSERZ & WANNA-BES!!!!!!

I dun expect ppl to commiserate of sympathise me.....for sure I know, even there's da closest ppl u get along with, can also mistreated u even when u know that it doesn't matters to them at all.....they didn't even give da slightest damn of how u feel. OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE, GET A GRIP IF U EVER HAD SUCH SO-CALLED FRENZ!!!!!!! Actually deep down, I already knew that Aaron is going to bring up that issue bout group problems....nobody dares to speak up bout it, cuz it may seemed a lil sensitive to u guys out there, wouldn't it? If not, why would anyone deny da fact that it is one of da major problems between us when he ask us that particular question? Its a common thing, u see, Whether it'll be that u're da onez tat is being used or its d other way around. U take yr pick....but sooner u'll find out, things are not quite like what they seem. Predictable, I know....what can we do bout it? It ain't a slander, just tellin' da truth...FACE IT THEN!!! Top-notch will get through it successfully, I couldn't agree it myself...but tat doesn't matter. Friends who really betray u over yr sincerity, trust & responsibility actually stab u in da guts!!! Nasty dun ya think? NEH, SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPENS ALL DA TIMEZ~

Come to think of it, friendship hurts ten times more than heart-breaking relationships. And that's ME~ I totally disagree with ppl who mistook me as one of those gurls who are more towards relationship-oriented. Believe it or not, I used to be a LESBIAN in person, 'kay? Whether u like it or not, I have nothing to lose anyway. If u dun like me for who I am, then u dun like me for who I am, still in d end, all u gonna get is 'ME' anyhow~ So, stop wastin' yr time, quit messin' around if u dun like to stick up for ppl like me....remember, I DUN GIVE A FRIGGIN DAMN, GET IT, JERKS!!!

Honestly, I'm hoping to get things done over with & get da hell outta this town & college fast!!!! U knw what...? For some reason, I enjoy being alone....cuz no matter how ppl would ever think of me in some way, I'd still stay as who I am. I tune to my mp3 & jz get a sheet of paper with pen, tatz it~ I need no one to tell me how miserable I am, cuz they dun even know how much I went through, and to top it off, THEY DUN EVEN KNOW WHO I AM, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! Life can be just difficult, but I do things my way... I know that I'm da least experience & brilliant student I can be, still I'd able to get a hang of things, ain't that right? I won't let any screw ups get in my way...cuz they're jz annoying lil peep squeaks u seen loafing around, DUH~~~~~ Btw, I dun trust on words that actually dun meant anything as far as I could think of...such as, ' have faith in me' or even 'u can count on me'...its total BULLSHIT!!! Yeah, yeah....life is unfair & cruel....blah, blah, blah~~~~~~~~ Beats me, I dun even know what it means, it might take me forever to get through my numb skull, who knows~

Its almost d end of it...allow me to make it short & simple for ya, dudes & bitches~

I do not succumb, I don't compromise, I don't give a second-thought bout relationship, I hate being patronised & look down upon, I don't think or listen when u told me to, I only believe in myself. GET A WHOLE LOT OF THIS, WHO CARES!!! SUIT YRSELF IF U THINK ITS A CRAZY WORLD I'M LIVIN' IN, AS LONG ITS BETTER THAN HELL!!!!! LISTEN UP, DUN EVEN THINK OF TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO BOUT MY LIFE, I'M DA ONE WHO DECIDES IT!!!!! Gotta crash bozos, chaoz~

P/S : If u can read English, tatz gud. Otherwise, be it~ U heard me, back off then if u can't 'understand' a single word of it, buggers!!!!! Not to forget, there'll never gonna be a main-squeeze ever, stop foolin' around with my personal life!!!!